I feel like how dumb Gawain ends up looking in screen adaptations of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight depends entirely on how hard the costume designer goes on the titular Knight. Like, there’s a definite point beyond which you’ve gotta be like, dude, look at him – of course he’s gonna get back up.
Like, if you’re looking at Sean Connery in inexplicably midriff-baring plate armour with green glitter all over his face, one can be forgiven for thinking maybe he’s just fabulous. If a fucking ent strides into the halls of Camelot, greater restraint may be warranted, is what I mean to say.
(Shout-out to everyone who’s learning for the first time from this post both that Sean Connery once played the Green Knight and what his costume looked like.)
It is how I’m learning this and I had to go find images. So now I’m sharing.
I feel there’s an argument to be had over whether this is more boob window than crop top but, either way, there is glitter on his chest.
That is the shiniest codpiece. Also here it is more the entire chest showing. It’s like they were doing one of those deep vee shirts but then put a collar at the top.
The codpiece really ties it all together, doesn’t it?
What do you think was more embarrassing? This costume or the one from Zardoz?
Sean Connery’s Green Knight costume fucks and I’ll not hear a cross word against it.
Finnish soldier gets separated from the rest of his unit but he’s the only one carrying the emergency amphetamines for the unit, takes too many and goes on a one man rampage for like 2 weeks straight giving the opposing Soviet soldiers nightmares for decades. Oh and he did it all on skis.
Did he survive?
Yes, during his methed up 2-3 week rampage he got injured by a land mine, travelled 400km on skis, and only ate pine buds and a Siberian Jay that he caught which he ate raw. When he made it back to Finnish lines he was taken to a hospital where it was found his heart rate was nearly 200 beats per minute and his weight had dropped to 43kg (94.7lbs).
His name was Aimo Koivunen if you want to look him up
Those are the eyes of a man who has seen god and laughed
If y’all are anything like me, this time of year is triggering AF. Here are some small, very easy grounding exercises that I was taught by my therapist, basically in order of how much I like them for this rage-inducing season. You make like them in a different order, depending on your rage-to-despair ratio.
Push a wall: literally go up to a wall and try to push it over. Really try. I promise you won’t push it over, but give it your best shot. Try to hold it as long as you can, and then take a breather and assess whether you need to repeat. Why it works: This is a quick, physical expulsion of the fight-or-flight feeling. It’s a bit like punching a wall, but without the potential to hurt yourself/look scary/damage things. You can even do it in front of people and say you’re stretching, they’ll never know (unless the wall actually falls down, but this will not happen, I assure you).
Shake like a dog: Animals shake to release stress, and you are also an animal. Setting aside time to just shake it out, as vigorously as you can, arms and legs, face, stick your tongue out, pretend you’re shaking like a wet dog. You can dance instead, if that feels better, and you can do this to music, but basically the more unhinged you can be, the better. If you are in a place you can scream, scream too! Why it works: like the above, this is a release of pent-up stress and anxiety. Especially if your rage-to-woe ratio is high, some kind of physical exertion is often the best way to burn through the cortisol and adrenaline you’re building up.
Bilateral Tapping: Cross your arms over your chest so that your fingertips are at your shoulders, and slowly tap, one hand at a time, back and forth, for about a minute. Breathe slowly. Why it works: This is weird as hell, but because this engages both sides of your brain, it helps override the activity of the amygdala, which is the part of your brain that Makes The Fear. If you’re being literally triggered in a situation, i.e. you’re having a trauma response, or reliving some family trauma, this is a good one.
Box Breathing: From a comfortable position (can really be seated, laying down or standing), inhale slowly for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, exhale for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, then repeat. You can do it for shorter counts or longer counts, but if you vary the counts make sure the exhale is longer than the inhale. You can close your eyes or leave them open. Why it works: This exercise helps you move from a sympathetic (activated) nervous system response to a parasympathetic (balanced) response. I do this one every day, and it’s a good gateway to meditation. Especially helpful in anxious or tense situations, but I find if I’m very triggered I need one of the other ones first, or it can make anxiety worse. Breathwork is amazing but not usually as a first exercise if you’re very activated, or have been activated a long time.
Ice: Lots of ways to do this one – hands in cold water for 30 seconds, ice pack on the back of your neck, dip your entire face into a bowl of ice water (this one’s the most effective). Why it works: I kinda think this is hilarious, but this activates your mammalian dive reflex. It immediately slows your heart-rate, so if you are feeling your blood pressure and heart rate rising, this one is very good. The only reason this one’s at the bottom of my list is because I hate being cold.
I wish you all a very get-through-the-holidays-without-hurting-yourself. Take time alone if you need it.
also consider: LOTR but hobbits have Tapeta Lucidum
Boromir gets the fright of his life their first night on the road
Boromir: *glances over his shoulder* ??!!!!???!!
Hobbits:
Hobbits: what
i will never get over that you used an image of raccoons for this purpose because it is incredibly accurate
LOTR au but instead of hobbits literally raccoons
Gandalf: well this raccoon found the ring and has been carrying it around. unfortunately we can’t take it off him or he gets very bite-y. so I figure, the raccoon is the ringbearer now
Elrond: what are those other three raccoons doing here
Gandalf: he brought his buddies. I call this one ‘Merry’
Aragorn: *watching Frodo & Sam scamper off in the direction of Mordor* our hopes lie with those raccoons now
Legolas: do they… know where they are going
Aragorn: I sure hope so
Faramir: father why is this raccoon in the livery of the citadel
Denethor: haha doesn’t he look precious
Elfhelm: Dernhelm, is that a raccoon in your bag?
Dernhelm: *sweating nervously* Uh no, sir.
Eowyn, later: And I said no, you know, like a liar.
Denethor: WHY did you let a raccoon go off with the Ring??
Faramir: ….it just seemed like the right thing to do
Gandalf: he scratched you up real good huh
Faramir: ……………gouged my FUCKING arm and bit me on my face
Witch King: no living man can kill me – AUGH FUCK, RACCOON, RACCOON ON MY LEG ARGHHHH
Eowyn: *stab*
Wraiths break into the room at the prancing pony: *UnHoLy ScReEcHiNg*
Trash Panda Hobbits:
Wraiths: Oh, what the fuck, whAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!
Treebeard: Baroom, humm, where are my small, impatient friends?
Merry and Pippin:
Don’t go where I can’t follow, Mr. Frodo.
~~~~~~The Hobbit interlude~~~~~~
Thorin:
You’re the burgular.Go on and…burgle something! Bilbo:
Saruman: Well since some fucking TREES took over Isengard I guess I’ll take over The Shire. Farmer Maggot and ever other Halfling down to the Sacksville-Bagginses:
Most of these are written as if they are normal raccoons, so the implication that the Shire exists as a defined region which it is possible to “take over” is…. like…. just a huge chunk of Middle Earth is Raccoon Land? ??????????? Are they actually anthropomorphized at home and have farmers and towns and stuff? If so, why are the four adventurers behaving as regular raccoons everywhere else? Is there some magic which only applies in the Shire—- or are they just trolling the hell out of everyone during a profoundly serious quest to save the world? Do Sam and Frodo start acting like people again when they leave the Fellowship? Do they act like people around Gollum, banking on the fact he’ll just sound even more insane if he told anyone?
Does Gandalf know? He must…
No they are just regular raccoons. The Shire is just their habitat.
“Look at this video of a child disappointed at their expensive gift! Children are so spoiled these days!”
That’s cool. So, why did their parents upload their small child being upset online? In a public video, shared to the entire video? Why did they even save the recording?
Like. The kid in that scenario could be saying the most entitled nonsense in the world, and if their parents post it online to be publicly shamed, I’d still support the kid 100%. Thinking your child’s life is a toy to exploit freely for #content is “spoiled”; when faced with mommy vlogers, kids should be demanding three PS5s and a new Bugatti, and we should be applauding them for it
This also tends to attract a lot of responses from grown adults eager to fantasize about how they’d “punish” the kid, and. If your power fantasies involve you owning an eight year old (in the metaphorical sense not the Sixpenceee sense) I don’t even know what to say
Also there are a lot of expensive gifts that are really thoughtless. If an 8 year old wants a Lego set and you buy them a model train set and they get pissed about it, you’re the problem.
I don’t care that the thing was expensive, if you didn’t ask or ignored what they wanted, that’s on the parents
A lot of people seem to not realize (or care) why kids want specific things, and also that kids don’t get what money is. They haven’t had it beaten into them yet that they’re supposed to like expensive things more than less expensive things. What they find enjoyable may have nothing to do with how expensive it is, and that fries the brain of well-off parents who care about things primarily as status symbols. The notion that someone could be happier with something that cost $20 than something that cost $2,000 infuriates them on a deep subconscious level
It’s also limited by parent’s lack of knowledge about tech, so they can’t understand why someone who wanted a Switch would be upset if they get a PS5. It’s more expensive, so clearly it’s just the same thing but better in their mind. They don’t know or care that their kid really wanted to play Mario and that they can’t do that on the PS5, so they process it as ungratefulness
Kids also don’t have a huge amount of experience in anything, and it’s a parent’s job to teach them. This sounds incredibly obvious, doesn’t it?
Before a family Christmas celebration, when all five of us happened to be lounging around together, I announced we were playing PRESENT PRACTICE. I wrapped a toy frying pan in a muslin cloth and handed it to a child, who unwrapped it and mimed amazement. The older children and their father were all awarded points for their simulated appreciation and the baby got points just for learning to unwrap something. On the second pass we all leveled up to making a grateful comment in reaction to the particular gift, such as “this will go in my collection of frying pans” and “now I can cook one very small egg.”
For the six year old, I very seriously presented the important and tricky case study of unwrapping a large exciting box to find a single pair of socks. The child suggested a reaction of “this is great, how surprising! But,” their face changing to seriousness and the tone of giving the giftee useful feedback for the future, “I’m not very interested in socks.” They explained the utility of passing on this feedback. So, this being present practice, I received this reaction with the grace and thoughtful attention of an award-winning director, and we discussed how we would leave that part out for our more sensitive audiences.
The children also traditionally give small cheap or handmade presents to their family members. Each parent takes each child secretly in hand to prepare a present for the other parent. The six-year-old also has access to the PTA school shop, where the PTA purchase small shitty items (scented candles, bars of soap, cheap socks) and sell them to the schoolkids for £1.50 each, and wrap them on the spot. The 6-year-old carefully squeezes the value from the £10 we give them for this purpose, and squirrels away their mysterious bag of wrapped gifts like it’s a state secret. The three year old is given “pocket money,” and taken shopping. There is now emotional investment in giving; we whisper together quietly about how much people will like the gift. The three year old frequently whispers hotly into my ear about the item they chose for their grandmother (a tissue cover, lmao). The children, therefore, watch adults carefully when their own offerings are unwrapped and admired. When they see us reacting with amazement and gratitude to their gifts, it maps that pathway and lights it up. It also teaches pretty early on that giving is actually supposed to be rewarding, and is a more reliable source of cheer – as you can always control the feeling giving, while getting is tiresomely at the whim of an external giver, isn’t it? And it reinforces that a certain degree of social performance is expected.
Present Practice is a fun game to play so the kids do it to each other. It’s a funny trick to play on a parent, too. You can hand a parent something hilarious, like a potato wrapped in toilet paper, and see them try to do a Level 3 reception on it (“this will be my favorite ever potato,” I say mistily, “how did you guess what was in my heart?”)
For high-pressure present-opening situations, you can just sit back and watch, really. Even when I had to let them open USA-grandparent Christmas presents over Zoom AT the house of the British Grandparents. The children spontaneously decided to receive presents in the guise of angels. I was giving the kids wild thumbsups from behind the camera as they warmly enthused over the sentiments in the cards before even looking at the gift.
Does it sound artificial? Well, they have fun, and they’re kind, and they love giving and receiving. They’re nice and well behaved – and people love to give them presents. It’s all social performance! and you’re expecting super high-level software to run on Kid Hardware, which is like trying to program Plant Pathology 101 onto a border collie! Kind of an unfair expectation on the framework, mate!
I’d suggest the first port of call is literally – teaching kids how to get presents.
Aww it looks like present practice trotted around the world getting notes when I wasn’t looking! That’s so nice guys
thought from my morning trot: the moon has a half shaded way right now that looks a little off. it is not ‘aesthetically pleasing’ and i cant help think if someone painted it EXACT they would have buds saying ‘you gonna fix your moon?’ reality can be sloppy and i think some art critique misses that
theres balance between expectations of your medium and capturing reality. in writing i have seen critiques like ‘this side character did not have an arc’ and yes an arc is nice but in reality not everyone has one, despite the fact an english teacher said ‘good’ writing is when all characters change
so it is balance that all artists can consider. do i paint the moon with an off kilter shadow or do i give it a perfect curve? BOTH are valid expressions, but i would like to stand up for allowing the mess and complication of reality in. it can be so powerful to not let medium define expression
amhrancas 