“The trannies should be able to piss in whatever toilet they want and change their bodies however they want. Why is it my business if some chick has a dick or a guy has a pie? I’m not a trannie or a fag so I don’t care, just give ‘em the medicine they need.”
“This is an LGBT safe space. Of COURSE I fully support individuals who identify as transgender and their right to self-determination! I just think that transitioning is a very serious choice and should be heavily regulated. And there could be a lot of harm in exposing cis children to such topics, so we should be really careful about when it is appropriate to mention trans issues or have too much trans visibility.”
One of the above statements is Problematic and the other is slightly annoying. If we disagree on which is which then working together for a better future is going to get really fucking difficult.
Someone who says they don’t care if dudes wear dresses and makeup is a better ally than someone who says they’re a safe space for women and non-binary people. I am not joking.
yeah I went to a gay bar recently with my husband tumblr user beemovieerotica, and a VERY confused capital S Southerner straight man in cargo shorts and a trucker hat showed up
apparently he (who through my drunken memory I remember only as Earl) liked some woman, and she told him that he wasn’t cultured enough and needed to attend his first drag show (she also flaked on him)
Now I’m reasonably androgynous and was wearing makeup, a short leather skirt, and black heeled boots, but still when this guy came up to me when I was standing off alone and asked “So. Do you come here often?” with a very earnest expression, I thought. Surely not. This guy doesn’t think I’m a straight woman does he????
Anyway I start talking with this guy and he has no idea what the fuck is going on but he is just a very kind and earnest dude and asked a lot of questions (while asking if it was alright if he asked those questions). I track down my husband and friends and I’m like y’all. We need to make sure that Earl has a Good Fucking Time tonight.
Man was completely out of his depth. At one point they put on a puppy auction to raise money for Pride, that started with a 6 ft drag queen in all her glory leading a leather pup out on a leash to the tune of that damned RSPCA “in the arms of the angels” song
We look at Earl. Nervous. He squints, laughs, and then goes “I was wondering why people were dressed like that!” He turned to me and asked “So they’re like dogs?” And I said yeah pretty much. And he just chuckled and went “Yeah I thought so with the tails! Never seen this before!”
When the first drag king came out, Earl looked at me wide eyed and went “There’s a dude version too?!” And I said yeah they’re called drag kings. And he said, low, “Drag kings.”
During one of the queens performances, he frowned, shook his head and told me, “Your legs are better than hers.” in a tone that implied he thought there was some travesty taking place and I should also be getting paid
When he found out I was there with my husband (and that I am not a woman) he profusely apologized and said “I’m so sorry, it’s dark in here and I thought you were a hot chick! I wouldn’t have said nothing if I knew you had a husband, I’m so sorry about that.”
When beemovie invited me to the dance floor with him later and I still had a drink in my hand, Earl said “Oh don’t worry about that I can hold your drink, you get on out there and shake your ass with your husband!” Then before we left, Earl bought me drinks for “Putting up with me all night and answering everything. Y’all helped me have a great time tonight.”
like. You gotta recognize there’s going to people who have never had interacted outside of their of their own community. This includes you. And just because your community is familiar with all the right vocabulary and how to correctly say something, it doesn’t mean they’re actually going to support you. If someone like Earl shows up, confused and out of their depth but kind and curious and earnest, you gotta have patience and truck through the small things, so when he goes back to his friends and his coworkers and they snicker asking how the drag show was, he can genuinely talk about how included we tried to make him feel and that he had a great time
The person matters more than the language
I will fuckin never not reblog this.
I have lived both sides of this at different times in my life.
Most people as in example 1 (above) want to know HOW to act and be polite, and this is *possible* if you don’t call them a bigot incapable of change first.
They’re not gonna be perfect. They’re gonna get things wrong and be rude.
My experience is a bit different since I’ve been an educator for ages, but even outside a classroom or university club I’m going to talk about it. And yes, I did unfortunately grow up believing some untrue hateful things.
I have grace and patience for people coming from a place of not knowing almost all the time, and often even when they’re being absolute trolls but curious, engaged ones.
(I am not talking about genuinely dangerous situations here, only verbal assholery that won’t escalate to violence, and importantly when I am up to the challenge mentally.)
You’re not required to be a Teaching Moment or answer questions, but even the smallest amount of pointing them in the right direction is immensely helpful and can definitely change their trajectory on the subject in the future.
No one is gonna change everything overnight. Some never will and that’s actually okay – bare minimums can be a huge win.
Telling someone “you don’t know the secret password and handshake to the tree fort and we refuse to teach you and we tell you you’re stupid and mean for not knowing and all your knowledge and authority figures you look up to are also stupid and bad and wrong” does *not* make anything better, much less make friends.
I’ve also had my share of run ins with example 2 above, and would rather deal with example 1. The people like Earl are not completely entrenched in their views and convinced they’re right. I can actually have a conversation with them. Example 2 is actually harder to reason with since they’re ‘already on the correct side’ in their minds. I can handle an Earl in the wild on a much worse day for me than an Example 2 TERF when I’m prepared to attempt a discussion beforehand on a really good day.
In many cases like this one, it really does only take one good interaction to overhaul a person’s entire worldview of a huge group of people.
Oh and to continue the puppy theme – positive reinforcement and gentle reminders / corrections go a long way! Treats for everyone. ;P
also we fucked up as a society the moment we started telling teens and aspiring artists to conflate being an artist with building a brand as if the two things are inextricable. the name of the game if you want to share your art is to work a job and sell yourself as aesthetizied content. back in my day we could just POST SHIT. to deviantart! what the fuck!
pro-tip if ur a teen or aspiring artist: stay the fuck away from tiktok. tiktok is not the place for your art. your art is not content to be sold. don’t listen to art youtubers advice if they dilute being an artist to stats and algorithms. trying to make a business or career out of art is actually something that takes a lot of experience and consideration to go into it is Not an inherent facet to getting started/expressing yourself as an artist. conflating art = selling something/working a job is the fastest fucking way to ruin it for yourself i am so serious. find communities that share your artistic interests make friends and share your art there. be indulgent and creative and experimental. you deserve a period in your artistic journey that is purely selfish and fostering of your growth. don’t let capitalism take that from you yet
i’m very quickly getting sick of left leaning dudes being like “eh well getting rid of DEI isn’t really the worst thing he could do” like congratulations you dumb fucks you fell for the fascist propaganda
they want you to think of DEI as the corny workplace training you had to take that one time so you’ll shrug it off as they axe every program that suggests minorities should have equal rights
this is the kind of shit that will happen as a result of moves like this. “but but but that’s not even DEI—“ it doesn’t fucking matter because everyone knows DEI is code for literally anything that doesn’t center white men
It’s still standing there, draped in white. I pass Grenfell every day, knowing there are most likely still bodies in there, burned into the structure, and unrecognisable.
No one has been held accountable for murdering 72 people.
for anyone who didn’t get a chewy email about it: apparently purina is discontinuing its purina one true instinct grain free cat food, so if you are in possession of a housebeast who eats it, you might want to go grab a bag sooner rather than later to start transitioning your creature to a new food
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amhrancas 