“Back in the eighties dungeons were becoming a thing in New York. Guys would pay a lot of money to come there and have some dominatrix tell them what to do. I was making leather pencil skirts for a lot of the doms, with holes in the back so that guys could kiss their ass. One day I was fitting a dom named Asia, and I told her: ‘I bet I could make more money than you without wearing stuff like this.’ She bet me I couldn’t. It was all a big goof. But then I started really thinking about it. Asia was making $150 a session, and that was real money. So I did the same thing I always do when I get an idea. I just ran an ad in the back of the Village Voice. Most of these girls were advertising how young they were. So I used the word ‘mature.’ And I figured out how to write ‘Jewish Guys Welcome’ in Yiddish, and I put that at the bottom. It was some of the easiest money I ever made. I never let them touch me. All I had to do was be a bossy black woman. And I could do that easy because my mother had been such a bitch. I’d pretend to be a school teacher, or a nanny. It was the dumbest shit. I just kept inventing crazy scenarios. And the crazier the scenario, the more money I made. One time I heard about a dom on the Upper East Side who charged $3,000 a week to kidnap a guy and lock him in her basement. I didn’t have a basement, but I knew a limo driver named Dean who liked to hustle like me. So every time I got a call from a new client, I’d say: ‘You want to be kidnapped, don’t you?’ And he’d start stuttering like: ‘Duh, duh, duh, duh.’ And I’d say: ‘Listen to me closely. Stand on the corner of 5th and 18th tomorrow at 3 pm. Don’t be late.’ Then I’d call Dean and tell him the plan. It was always easy to spot the guy. He’d be the one checking his watch and looking scared as shit. So we’d roll up in the limo, grab him by the collar, and pull him inside. Then I’d lock the doors and start telling him what to do. Everything went down in the back of the limo. Dean just rolled up the partition and kept his eyes on the road. At the end I’d give him $100, because I was getting $250 for that.”
-Happy 81st birthday to Stephanie ‘Tanqueray’ Johnson. If you see her wheeling around Chelsea today wish her a happy birthday, and there is a nonzero chance she will give you a glow-in-the-dark dildo eraser. -Humans of New York
> The Department of Education has just launched a website, enddei.ed.gov, where people are supposed to go to report instances of “divisive ideologies and indoctrination” in schools. It doesn’t verify your email address, so you can make one up to submit a comment. You can also make up a school district—or google a random one. I used Aberdeen School District in Idaho. Zip is 83210.
> It would be a shame if folks flooded this form with…well, whatever they can come up with. Have fun!
Trump needed an English to English translator when speaking to India’s Prime Minister and his press pool. They spoke better English than Trump and the ignorant bastard was screaming he couldn’t understand them.
Controversial opinion: If they’re not going to turn out to town halls, you need to turn out to their homes and offices.
It’s called “escrache”, and the Argentinians invented it: you just organise demonstrations, noisy ones, lengthy ones, in front of the private residences of politicians.
So this was a pre-planned (and likely paid for by the Kremlin) show: to invite Zelenskyy, scold him like a kindergartener in front of the press, present him with an unreasonable “deal” – an ultimatum – knowing full well he will refuse it (as anyone in this position would). And then tell the world: “Look, our mighty Orange King could’ve ended this horrible war in a day, but this poorly-dressed, warmongering, ungrateful twat just doesn’t want peace! It’s not our fault, we did what we could!”
The show is so cheap, so transparent, yet still effective for so many brainless people.
amhrancas 