I want to get a job at the strip club near my house and then I want to see how far I can push pretending to be an actual irl vampire. if you’re unfamiliar with sex work you need to have the context here that there is no stupider person on earth than the average hetero male sex work customer and that this idea has a nonzero chance of actually no-joke seriously convincing more than one of them and I just think that would be funny
so there’s a local craftsman named Victor who has been making customized vampire fangs out of real dental resin for something like 30 years. I got my first fangs from Victor when I was 13, and he had already been making fangs for and unknown number of years before that. he’s a legend. every time I lose a pair (they don’t deteriorate, they last forever) I go back and get another pair, and he has never raised the price ($60) even though his profit margin has to be tiny by now. the fangs look incredible. better than the majority of vampire fangs you see in major Hollywood movies. and because they are molded directly onto your teeth (this process is unpleasant and smells really bad) they snap on and off, and do not require glue, and are incredibly secure. you can absolutely bite things with them. in fact he has a little info sheet specifically telling you NOT to do this because people immediately do and end up hurting themselves or others. I consider them a last resort personal defense item frankly. you can bite holes in tin cans, and I have
anyway all this is to say I think I could pull it off and since stripping is mostly about suffering through intense boredom while the worst men on the planet treat you like an unpaid focus group I think it would be extremely entertaining
- Oh G-D you must do this. And tell me stories.
- I also have fangs from Victor, who is indeed a top-tier fang smith. I’ve seen fang caps by other artists, and they just don’t compare. Ones by Victor look real.
amhrancas 