one of my top ten french behaviors is that i find it deeply jarring to see croissants (as a whole) be considered as “pastries”. a Pastry is an éclair or perhaps a millefeuille or lemon tart or macaron. it is colorful and sugary and generally dainty (not always) or indulgent (not always). croissants (including chocolate/almond croissants) are Not! Pastries. but carmine, you cry! what are they then? VIENNOISERIES. like wien. you know. the city. we stole them from the austrians like a william years ago. no yeah no it Is a stupid name. still not a Pastry however,
the humble Croissant will sate you in a pleasant but ultimate useful way. it is an Efficient and Unexpensive helpmate for hungry children after school and lovers who want to treat their beloved to a breakfast deserving of the name after a beautiful night and tired grownups who want to find a Reliable and Unexpensive reason not to Kill Themselves and get them through the day.
the frivolous Pastry will be bought and consumed by Relatively Moneyed Workers on their Company-Subsidized Lunch Break, Families who visit their In-Laws on Sundays, and Lovers wishing to Court their Beloved in an Ambitious and Elegant Manner,
another of your top ten french behaviors is having all these fucking rules. a croissant is an air sandwich to be eaten on boats. a croissant is a vessel for lox. a croissant is duck bait. a croissant is meant to be stored in the basket of a bicycle for one hour before consumption. a croissant must be chewed in time with a psalm. a croissant is technically not bread and therefore cannot be eaten with cheese. a croissant must be fucked gently. croissants cannot be eaten before ten o’clock or after three o’clock. what gives, man.
Thy Name Shall Only Be Spoken In Great Shame And Contempt By Thy Countrymen.
amhrancas 