If you’re a teenage boy and you’re trying to learn how to interact with girls the right way, one of the most important rules is that you can’t treat your interactions with the women you meet in the same way that you treat your interactions with your mother.
If you were raised by authoritarian parents, it’s very likely that you walked on eggshells to prevent setting them off. One wrong move and they became violent. You may expect that your interactions with your mother will model your interactions with other women.
But around other women, the roles are pretty much reversed. When you’re around your authoritarian mother, you have to watch how you act around her in order to prevent setting her off and making her violent, while the worst she has to deal with is not getting her way. But when you interact with women who are your peers, they’re the ones who are watching how they act in order to prevent setting you off and making you violent, and you’re the one whose worst case scenario is failing to get your way.
When a woman is uncomfortable around you and feels like you’re disrespecting her, she’s not going to unleash her anger on you in the same way your mother does. She’s going to be afraid of you. If a woman says that something you’re doing is bothering her but she “doesn’t sound serious”, it’s because she doesn’t have the luxury of being able to safely sound serious in the same way your mother does. When your mother is serious, she can strike fear into you by just giving you a threatening look. But you could easily go your entire life without any other woman ever being able to strike fear into you the same way. It’s important for you to learn how to take someone seriously without them being able to make you afraid of them.
And when they tell you that something you are doing makes them uncomfortable, you have to listen and consider how to amend your behavior. This may happen with someone you have been with for 5, 10, 15+ YEARS and you still have to listen, even if you think they should know you’re a safe person.
You can’t just say “Why are you upset, I’m not going to hurt you?!” and keep doing the thing because their response isn’t “logical”. You have to stop.
amhrancas 