bundibird:

I fucking love it when I have the opportunity to turn an implied insult into a compliment and thoroughly disarm the person trying to insult me.

I’m very much a “bare minimum” person when it comes to make up. I wear as little as I can get away with while working in an office.

One of the women i work with is one of those people never left her high school bitchiness behind. Someone who looks at Regina George and goes “what a role model.” She loves nothing more than to hand out insults framed in a cheerful, bright manner. She sounds like she’s being So Nice but actually she’s being awful – that kind of thing.

So one day she’s talking about how she was going out after work, but forgot her make up bag – so thank God for the pharmacy downstairs, where she could go and grab some replacement make-up.

I was like oh, yeah, having that there is so great– I do my make-up in the car most mornings, so my make-up bag lives in the car, so if I’ve ever taken it out over the weekend and forgotten to put it back, then I’m kinda screwed make-up-wise – but at least I can duck in downstairs and grab some mascara.

And she gives me this faux-sympathetic face, and goes, “is that what happened this morning? You forgot your make-up and haven’t had time to go down and buy some yet?”

And it was very clearly a “I know full well that you’re wearing make up right now, but I’m trying to make you feel self-concious about how you look” kinda thing – but all couched in a faux-friendly, sympathetic way.

But instead of getting offended or self concious or whatever she was aiming for, I gave her a laughed in a flattered way, and went, “You think I just naturally look this good? Aw, thanks!”

And her face was hilarious. She did NOT know what to do with that response. She tries to insult me by implying I’m not wearing any make up and thus look like shit, but I’m like you think I wake up in the morning looking like this? That’s so lovely of you!

Hilarious. Also comes with the added benefit of her not bothering me with her bitchy faux-compliments anymore. 10/10 outcome.