the concept and idea of “you can always start trying to be a better person” is extremely important to me both in media and irl and i continue to be deeply deeply disturbed by the trend on this site pushing that these ideas in media are bad writing or even morally reprehensible
because theyd rather someone stay terrible or just straight up die than become a better person
from a compassionate point of view it’s deeply distressing and from a pragmatic point of view it’s outright frustrating
it’s fucked up.
What is the most important step a man can take?
The next.
I think part of the pushback about this is the idea that, to “redeem” bad people, their victims must first forgive them for unforgivable acts.
This is false. No one is obligated to forgive you. You can learn from your mistakes and become the best, kindest person on earth, and the
people you’ve hurt still won’t forgive you, and you’ll have to accept that. And that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to grow. Because we aren’t just “pure” or “sinful”, we’re complex.
Sometimes the bridge is just burnt. Sometimes what your victim needs to recover from the way you treated them isn’t your atonement. It’s your absence. They just want to live a life without you in it.
I think that’s an important piece of nuance that gets lost in media, due to the conflation of redemption with forgiveness. Sometimes you will not be forgiven. You will not get to have the relationship back. No matter how much you work on yourself, you have to go away now. You are not welcome here. You never will be again.
And that’s okay. Victims shouldn’t be under obligation to forgive, and attaining forgiveness shouldn’t be the goal of working on yourself. It’s okay to let bridges be burnt. If someone needs your absence, it’s okay to give it to them. And it’s okay to take the better version of you that you’ve become, and move on with your life.
Because I promise you, there is something else out there waiting for the better you to find it.
amhrancas 